One of the reasons I decided to start my blog today was because tomorrow marks 10 years to the day that my sweet Grandpa Allen passed away. Ten years..I can't believe it! Many may already know that I investigated my Dad's death 10 years ago. Grandpa's death just added insult to injury, or to put a more positive spin on it, increased my learning of the reality of Angels at a time I was getting a powerful crash course in the subject. Ten years ago I had just gotten back from Seattle where I did a photo shoot on the Turner Joy, the identical twin sister to the ship Daddy was killed on. I'd returned home May 8th or 9th just in time for Mother's Day. (my main picture on the blog is of me on the Turner Joy) I was in the thick of facing the grief I'd kept on the shelf since I was two years old and God chose that time to call one of his most powerful influences Home just three or four days after I'd seen an exact replica of the room Daddy lost his life in. My emotions were raw yet open to receive information and heal.
When Daddy was killed in Pearl Harbor, he left his 21 year old widow, 8 month old mini version of himself and his 2 year old little blond sidekick daughter who worshiped the ground he walked on. Mom found refuge in the arms and home of her parents and younger siblings in Orem, Utah. I always felt warmth, safety and love there. I loved Grandma but attached myself to Grandpa. He stepped in as a tried and true Dad, not just to Mom but to my brother and I as well. Grandpa helped cushion us from the powerful blow of losing Daddy.
Grandpa was one of the most likable...no...lovable people on the planet. He looked like Santa Claus without the beard or the belly. His curly white hair, twinkling eyes and rosy cheeks were trademarks as were his big hugs and beautiful singing voice. My friends all loved him. In fact, I can't think of a single person who didn't love him..that just wasn't an option with Grandpa. He left no question of how much he loved us and especially how much he loved Grandma. He was always hugging her or had to be near her when they were in the same room. I have pictures of them dancing and my favorite is of them kissing. They were the perfect example of a loving and eternal couple. He, the romantic that he is, even came to get Grandma seven years later on their 65th wedding anniversary and escorted her into the eternities where they are both undoubtedly working to build their paradise and looking out for their kids, grandkids and great grandkids. Some things just never change and I am certain that is the case with them.
Grandpa was always there. Even when he and Grandma served two LDS missions, their love and support could be felt. My biggest memory of Grandpa was that every time I saw him, a big hug and kiss were required and I was always told I was beautiful and he loved me. Through my trying dating and nondating years Grandpa remained my constant cheerleader promising me that I had nothing to worry about and that it was a no brainer that my Prince Charming would come along right at the perfect time and that of course he would be everything I always dreamed of...I was wonderful and deserved nothing less.
Ten years...so much has happened since! I am now deep into writing the story I was living back then. I had just started to research Daddy's death. Two months prior Grandpa gave me a priesthood blessing taking about my new ventures with school and the man I would meet someday. I remember sitting in the basement apartment that originally served as Mom's and her babies refuge years earlier and hearing the ever growing weakness in Grandpa's voice. His test results hadn't come back yet but I knew something was terribly terribly wrong. I could feel his mortality slipping away even as I sat in that chair with his weak and shaking hands on my head. For the first time in my life, my eternally youthful and healthy grandpa seemed old. Pancreatic Cancer is notorious for striking hard and fast, barely giving its victims time to pack up their lives before they take their last breath. It was no different for my sweet Grandpa. Through it all he kept his loving and humorous personality until the very end.
I'll never forget May 12, 2004. My cousin Cynthia let me know she was on her way to visit Grandpa. Because of my photo shoot and preparing to go back to school I hadn't had much time to see him and wanted to check in. Mom and I had already made plans to see the play Lilacs in the Rain at the Hale Center Theater. Mom had even gotten my baby brother's permission to skip his ballgame in order to go see this play with me. That was something we rarely did, but for some reason we purchased tickets to the playhouse just a mile from Grandma and Grandpa's house.
On our way Mom and I stopped by. Grandpa lay on the couch in the downstairs living room apartment. My aunt and a couple of her daughters sat nearby and Grandma was close to his side where she'd spent the last few weeks. Grandpa was babbling things about loved ones who passed on prior. Sometimes during these babblings we would ask what he meant or see if he would wake up long enough to answer some questions. He didn't. He did sit and hold my hand tight for well over 5 minutes. My attention spiked when he said something about "Burr". I asked if he meant my Dad and he continued on with his babbling.
I tried to act normal, more for Mom's and Grandma's sakes than anything and told him of the play we were going to see and how it was about a family of all girls. I come from a family where I'm the only girl and have 6 brothers. My brothers are so chill I decided I wanted to have a house full of boys...muuuuucccchhhhh less drama! I jokingly brought it up and a glimmer ignited in Grandpa's eyes just long enough to look into my eyes and say "the way I see it you should have no problem." and then he went back to babbling about horses and swimming. As it turned out, those were his last words to me. Where I meant having all boys as sons, I knew he meant my love life. I can still see his the warmth and love in his eyes as he gave me that last reassurance. I sensed death in the air but others clung onto the hope he would recover. I wanted to give him a list of things to tell Daddy when he saw him but felt it was inappropriate. Come to find out Mom wanted to do the same thing but she too felt it would be in bad form. We each hugged him and left to watch Lilacs in the Rain.
A few hours later as I drove to my friend's house the cold rain came down harder. I called Mom just to hear sobbing on the other end. "He's gone, isn't he?" I remember feeling numb but strangely at peace. Grandpa gave me encouragement constantly throughout my life and reconfirmed it on his deathbed. I was on the threshold of major changes in my education as well as overcoming my biggest demons which were connected to losing Daddy. I have since felt his love and support from the other side and know he is near, just in another realm, still cheering me on.
Ten years later my life is drastically different in very good ways. I am now friends with several of Daddy's former shipmates. I've gone through and overcome ups and downs unimaginable to me at the time and have learned even more of the reality of Angels. As I sit here a decade to the day after the passing of one of the greatest men ever born, I feel the chill in the air but warmth, gratitude and love in my heart toward the man who left a legacy of faith love and family. I am honored to be one of his 69 grandkids (yes, 69). He and Grandma created a culture that continues on in my family and is one I will strive to pass down to my own family someday. I hope to make him proud where I am part of his legacy.
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